Invisible Disabilities Week is a complicated celebration. Invisible Disabilities week is a complicated grievance. I didn’t know which to write because this week is both a celebration and a grievance period. It is just that…it’s a celebration of who I am, but also a piece of me grieves the lifestyle I am faced to endure.
There’s no turning back, or changing my life, this is just the way life is for me. Some days, my illnesses are more visible than other days and some days the judgement is more from others than other days. Sometimes, you would have no idea that I have multiple disabilities, but also other days, it is very hard not to notice.
When living with an invisible condition, whether your diagnosis is as daunting as cancer or perhaps your diagnosis only mildly impacts your every day life, a barrier faced in this community is the judgement outwardly put on those with unseen stories.
Oftentimes, it feels as if someone’s judgement, translates to a lot of pressure felt from the outside world and here are three things I would hope people consider before judging someone.
I could have written “before judging someone with an invisible illness” but truth is, we are all more alike than we are different. We all face battles that go beyond the eye. We can always all use more grace. These are lessons I am still learning too.
- 1. Look within before looking outward
When looking to judge someone, offer advice, or place blame, I feel as if it is valuable to ensure you are always looking within at your own life before casting fears, blame, and accusations on others. Take time in life to self-examine.
Before writing this, I thought about how I judge others. We all do it. I thought “what advice would I like to receive if I was the person in the other person’s shoes?”
- 2. Treat others how you’d treat yourself or how you’d want yourself to be treated
This seems like the golden rule, right? Oftentimes, a lesson we learned in elementary school is the lesson we most commonly forget. We treat people far less than how we’d like to be treated.
Before making a comment towards someone, entangling yourself in someone’s business, or involving yourself in something in someone else’s life, think to yourself, “is this how I would want this person to approach me if I was standing on the other side of this conversation?”
I recall many times when doctors placed judgement about how I was handling my life. I was visiting my primary care when I was an older teen, walked out of her office, and fainted flat on my face. When I arose from this unplanned episode, she was laying beside me and whispered “they don’t know how strong you are” and it’s true, most of the time, we don’t know what people endure in life, and it’s not our business to pick up or place to throw a stone.
I could go on and on…judgement from others about being on disability, judgement about parking in a handicap parking spot, judgement about how often I was in school or my ability to commit.
- 3. Validate the unseen stories
I may be dealing with an upcoming surgery, a full plate of appointments, working on recovering from a foot injury on the foot I broke last fall, and a million other measures in life, and yet, each day, I remind myself that someone else is also facing circumstances that deeply impact who they are.
It never hurts to exchange a kind phrase to someone and to compliment their ability to exist (we’ve all got a lot going on).
It could cost someone a lot when you judge them…it can cost them their confidence,
Yet, to offer them kindness costs nothing to you at all. While sometimes judging others gives a heightened level of feeling superior, enhancing a feelings of “I’m right” or “I’m on top”, it never will reflect that deep down. It can appear to give someone the feelings of elevating their own worth, but truly it says more negatively about one’s character than it does in a positive wa
Building up someone else doesn’t diminish your own worth, character, or status. In fact, offering kindness can say more about yourself in a situation than it does when tearing another person down.
Judgement is a road block when you have a chronic illness and it’s a theme that is overwhelmingly felt in the disabled community. There isn’t a disabled person that I have met that hasn’t dealt with judgement or lack of empathy from an outsider. Truth is, when people don’t have access to the full truth, people yield poor judgement.
If you see someone in a wheelchair, but then they also stand up and can walk, the initial thought most commonly is, “well they don’t need that chair since they can walk,” rather than thinking without saying, “I wonder what condition may cause them to need a wheelchair, but also allow them to walk.”
Another thought to replace the judgmental one is, “it’s not my situation or business,” and that oftentimes is the best thing we can do…leave situations alone if they aren’t ours to deal with.
I’m guilty of casting judgement myself. In therapy, I was taught me the Sanskrit phrase “Idam Na Mama” which translates to “not mine” and in life, I like to think of this phrase as a way to not carry what isn’t mine to lift.
This Invisible Disabilities Week, I feel neutral about celebrating or grieving. Whereas, I truly wish for a world without the obstacles one with an invisible illness may endure, I know that accepting this is how life is, brings me closer to neutrality, meaning less for me to carry in life.
I hope this week you are able to learn something yourself and apply it to your own life. We are all lifelong learners who are never too wise or too old to learn basic lessons again.
