Welcome to this week’s “zine.”

by Mark M

How the English Language Worx, Volume 1 (2002, 2022)

by Mark M, N.o.P.

In order to save time, this book has no epigram.

Likewise, no introduction.

HOW SILENT B’s WORK

comb

climb

dumb

crumb

Jimb (or Jambes)

Pamb

Mark Mb

debt

doubt

thoughbt

stabtus

btorrenbt

etc.

HOW SILENT G’s WORK

gnat

gno

gnothing

gnow

gnever

gnonsense!

gneat!

etc.

HOW SILENT K’s WORK

know

Knowhat?

Kno, I don’t.

knearly

knonsense!

kneat!

etc.

HOW SILENT W’s WORK

wren

wreed

whome

whomosexual

Wright on!

Wrick.

Wrobert

Wrudy

etc.

HOW CONTRACTIONS WORK

Contractions are a great way to save time!
Use them when in a hurry.

Examples:

Yell not at me! Yelln’t at me!

I know not. I known’t.

I am not!   I amn’t!

He seems to have become ill.

        He seems to’ve become ill.

Avoid use of double negatives, however.

Bad examples:

can’t not   can’tn’t

ain’t   ain’tn’t

Another bad example:

hadn’t  hadn’ted

You can “stack them” for effect:

He may’ve even’ve been a Nazi.

HOW TENSE WORKS

Past Tense Past Imperfect Imperfect Past

said sayed saided

laid layed laided

Past Tense Past Imperfect

nake naked

HOW PREFIXES WORK

head behead

moan bemoan

dazzle bedazzle

muse bemuse

be bebe

d bed

theist atheist

muse amuse

go ago

bolish abolish

be abe

m am

HOW PRO- AND CON- WORK

pro con

profession confession

professor confessor

protest contest

pronoun conoun

probe conbe

HOW RE- WORX

do redo

union reunion

peat repeat

morse remorse

lic relic

HOW UN- WORX

becoming unbecoming

usual unusual

ion union

iform uniform

iverse universe

der under

derwater underwater

HOW DE- WORX

construct deconstruct

fund defund

bone debone

duct deduct

fine define

rive derive

coy decoy

cide(r) decide(r)

ad dead

nt dent

HOW -LY WORX

usual usually

slow slowly

quick quickly

ug ugly

HOW GENDER INCLUSIVITY WORKS

Mother Earth Parent Earth

Mother Nature Parent Nature

Womyn Myn

God = He/She, same for the Devil

HOW SYNONYMS WORK

Synonyms are words that mean the same or nearly the same thing such as:

religion hoax

science doubt

&c.

HOW MISCELLANEOUS STUFF WORKS

theatre theater

ogre oger

or

theater theatre

either eithre

neither neithre

runner runnre

actor actress

fortress fortor

heir heiress

moron moroness

with without

withdraw withoutdraw

forthwith forthwithout

Give me Gimme

Forgive me Forgimme

child childhood

kid kidhood

often oftwenty ofthirty

shebang hebang

tickle testic(k)le

invention intervention

Drop drip

Temperature drop temperature drip

Cough drop cough drip

Sin tax syntax

Saint Satan saintan

enema enemama enemother anymother

Shout point: !

Ye-ha! Ye-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Me, myself, & I.

Thee, thyself, & thou.

Thou, thee, thine, thy, ye, you.

Hey, thou!

HOW NAMES WORK

Names are easy:

Andy        Andrew

Randy       Randrew

Sandy       Sandrew


Sandra      Sandy

Cassandra   Cassandy

Alexandra   Alexandy


Tim Timothy

Jim Jimothy

Kim Kimothy

or

Jim James

Tim Tames


Rick    Richard

Dick    Dichard

Nick    Nichard

or

Nick    Nicholas

Dick    Dicholas

Rick    Richolas


Rob Robert

Bob Bobert

Job Jobert


Candy   Candace

Mandy   Mandace


Judy    Judith

Jody    Jodith


Ed  Edward

Ted Tedward

Fred    Fredward

or

Fred    Frederick

Ted Tederick

Ed  Ederick


Larry   Lawrence

Jerry   Jawrence

Terry   Tawrence


Will    William

Bill    Billiam


Harry   Harold

Larry   Larold

Gary    Garold


John    Jack

Betty   Arthur


Mary    Maryann

(Betty)Luannalisamarie

Sinatra Sinatralala

Scorsese    Scorsesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesesese

Johnson Johnson & Johnson (& Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnston…)

Gender inclusivity:

Johnoffspring

Dustin Hoffperson

&c.

NOTE: Follow these rules strictly!
People are sensitive about their
names. You don’t want to offend
anyone!

HOW PLACE NAMES WORK

rica    Africa

rica    America

rica    Costa Rica

rica    Puerto Rica (?)


aska    Alaska

aska    Nebraska


Kansas      Arkansas


Mali        Somalia


Guatemala       Nicaraguatemala


Soviet  Sovietnam

HOW FOUR-LETTER WORDS WORK

Four-letter works are four letters long, so they’re short and to the point:

Sh-t

F-ck

C-ck

C-nt

Piss

Poop

Turd

Fart

Sometimes they are longer than four words:

C-cksucker

Motherf-cker

D-cklicker

Sometimes they are shorter than four letters:

T-t

Sometimes they are both longer and shorter than four letters:

Ass(hole)

MORE MISCELLANY

Far East like China

Middle East like Syria

East like Connecticut

Full tilt partial tilt

No tilt (or tiltless)

Today 2day

Tuesday 2’sday

Out-of-whack

In-whack

In-and-out-of-whack

Anglish-English-Inglish-Onglish-Unglish, sometimes Ynglish

About the Author

Mark M can barely speak English,
let alone write it.

He got a good deal on a piece of real estate
in his own little world and spends most of
his time there.

———=———

Concerning the errant Ukrainian missile that hit a Polish grain facility and nearly sparked WW III, Sam Husseini asked the obvious verboten question about the false AP report on the airstrike in Poland: when sources lie to you, especially on a matter that might’ve sparked a catastrophic confrontation between NATO and Russia, why not reveal the liar’s name?

———=———

That U.S. Constitution

Below are some salient extracts from the article, “The U.S. Constitution: Pull the Curtain” by Greg Coleridge and Virginia Rasmussen. Not long ago, I caught Greg discussing this article in a ZOOM call. He put the link to the article in the ZOOM Chat.

“Government is instituted to protect property of every sort… This being the end of government, that alone is a just government which impartially secures to every man whatever is his own.” –James Madison (1751 – 1836)

…early state constitutions. The Pennsylvania Constitution of Rights directed state laws to discourage concentrations of wealth, maintaining that “an enormous proportion of Property vested in a few Individuals is dangerous to the Rights, and destructive of the Common Happiness of Mankind.” Other laws of that state prohibited slavery, insisted on fair treaties with “the Indians,” barred the raising of a militia, and provided for a citizen legislature….

The Articles of Confederation, ratified in 1781, were broadly democratic, holding that the states were equal, each having one vote in a single-branched government similar to our House of Representatives. There was no president or judiciary and Congress settled disputes between the states. Elections were held every year and no one could serve for more than three out of every six years. The Congress president could serve only one in every three years. Congress could raise money on a regular basis only to support the post office, while declarations of war or military build-up needed approval from nine of the thirteen states….

A convention was called by the states in 1787 to craft modest amendments to the Articles of Confederation directed primarily toward issues of trade. There was no popular election of delegates and the Federalists in attendance used this opportunity to bypass the Articles and write a new Constitution instead. It was an undemocratic convention (could we call it a coup d’ etat?) with meetings closed and the proceedings not made public for 53 years.

The men central to this project are familiar to us all. The monarchist, Alexander Hamilton, spoke for the commercial interests, wanting a government “capable of regulating, protecting and extending the commerce of the Union …able to protect against the domestic violence and the depredations which the democratic spirit is apt to make on property…” He saw the people as “a great beast.” In attendance was George Washington, the wealthiest man in the new nation, who believed “we have probably had too good an opinion of human nature in forming our confederation. Experience has taught us that men will not adopt and carry into execution measures best calculated for their own good without the intervention of a coercive power.” John Jay was there, too. He thought “the people who own the country ought to govern it.” And then there was young James Madison who wrote: “The public voice, pronounced by the representatives of the people, will be more consonant to the public good than if pronounced by the people themselves.”

Madison’s view that the primary purpose of government was “to protect property of every sort” had plenty of popular support. For many of the Founders, the protection of liberty and the protection of property were one and the same….

The Framers urged adoption without amendments. In today’s parlance, we’d call it a “fast track” strategy. But many people refused ratification without the addition of a Ten Amendment Bill of Rights. The Framers agreed to these amendments because they did not disturb their plan of governance….

The original Constitution contains many provisions that were meant to protect “We the Propertied People” rather than “We the People.” Elements that serve the fortunes of the already powerful and wealthy are buried in what many believe to be the most democratic of documents. Here are selected examples:

Limited personhood (Article 1, Section 2)

In determining how many Representatives would come from each state, the Constitution established population based on the “whole number of free persons, including those bound to service for a term of years — and three fifths of all other persons.” The “all other persons” were slaves worth 3/5ths of whole persons for purposes of population, thus enhancing the master’s power, and 0/5ths when it came to the right to vote. The latter was true of women and people without property (i.e., indentured servants or renters). At the time of the first Presidential election in 1789 only 6 percent of the population — white, male property owners — were eligible to vote….

No direct election of Senators (Article 1, Section 3)

Both Senators from each state were originally chosen by the state legislatures of that state. The public (that is, only white, male property owners who could vote) had only an indirect role in choosing those in the federal government responsible for trying impeachments, passing international treaties, and confirming Supreme Court Justices….*

Commerce Clause (Article 1, Section 8)

“Congress shall have powers to regulate commerce with foreign nations, and among the several states, and with the Indian tribes.” Some have nicknamed this provision “Baby NAFTA” since it established federal power over the right of states to control the terms and conditions of trade within their borders. Its antidemocratic legacy continues today, nullifying as unconstitutional legislation passed by communities to protect health and safety, local economies or the natural commons….

No direct election of the President (Article 2, Section 1)

A President is not chosen by receiving the greatest number of popular votes, as Al Gore [and Hillary Clinton] can attest, but by receiving a majority of “electoral college” votes….**

Appointment of Supreme Court for life (Article 2, Section 2)

The Supreme Court has become the most powerful branch with the authority to overturn legislation passed at federal or state levels….

A riddle:

Question: How can five people amend the United States Constitution?

Answer: Become Supreme Court Justices.

–Peter Kellman, former POCLAD principal…

Amending the Constitution (Article 5, Section 2)

It was made especially difficult to change these profoundly undemocratic provisions from the bottom up. Proposed amendments must be approved by 2/3rds of Congress, then ratified by the legislatures of 3/4ths of the states.

Abolishing slavery or gaining women’s right to vote required mass social movements waged over several decades….***

“It would be better to trust the many than the few, who are infected with the plague of self-interest and selfishness.”

–Tom Paine (1737-1809), “The Rights of Man”

*If California had the same population-to-US Senator ratio as Wyoming, it would have at least 130 Senators. If Brooklyn were a state and US Senators were apportioned there with the same population-to-Senator ratio as Wyoming, the New York City borough would have 9 U.S. Senators.

**Looking at a handful of states helps us understand how flawed the system is. These are the actual number of voters that each elector in the Electoral College represented for selected states in the 2020 election.

• Wyoming (92,834 voters)
• North Dakota (121,417 voters)
• Vermont (123,656 voters)
• Rhode Island (130,622 voters)
• South Dakota (142,510 voters)
• Florida (384,305 voters)
• North Carolina (369,723 voters)
• Michigan (348,707 voters)
• Pennsylvania (347,928 voters)
• California (323,366 voters)

***“Most liberal democracies—including the nice, stable ones in Western Europe—amend their constitutions with great frequency,” University of Chicago law professor Eric Posner pointed out in 2014. “Germany amends its Basic Law almost once per year, and France a bit more than once every two years. Indeed, most states in the U.S. amend their constitutions every couple of years.”

Paul Street writes: “US abolitionist William Lloyd Garrison used to call the Constitution ‘a covenant with death’ while burning the document in public. It’s always good to read Frederick Douglass’s famous July 5th 1852 speech ‘What to the Slave is the Meaning of the Fourth of July?’ before writing about the virtues of US constitutionalism.”

What I’ve read by this guy in The Nation, I certainly like:

Allow Me to Retort: A Black Guy’s Guide to the Constitution by Elie Mystal

Wik’ reports he’s quite the firebrand:

In March 2022, he said the United States Constitution is “actually trash,” pointing to the Fugitive Slave Clause and the Three-fifths Compromise. In the same interview, he said about the Constitution: “We act like this thing was kind of etched in stone by the finger of God, when actually it was hotly contested and debated, scrawled out over a couple of weeks in the summer in Philadelphia in 1787, with a bunch of rich, white politicians making deals with each other.” Mystal has also described the founders of the United States as “racist, misogynist jerk-faces” and “sick, rapist bastards.”**** Mystal described the United States as a “racist pariah state” in 2020. In 2021 he said the United States spreads “the myth of white exceptionalism” through its education system.

In August 2022, Mystal described Republican Senate nominee Herschel Walker as “what Republicans want from their Negroes” because he “so clearly doesn’t have independent thoughts” and would “do what he’s told” as a senator. Mystal rejected an invitation to “break bread” with Walker until “he talks to the Senator from Georgia Raphael Warnock about the actual issues affecting Georgia voters.”

****See “Thomas Jefferson: America’s Founding Sociopath” by Robert Parry, who helped break the Iran-Contra scandal.

———=———

A little more history: This post was made on Thanksgiving Day (learn about turkeys here) which has an unfortunate origin with the Pequot Massacre which directly led to the creation of “Thanksgiving Day.” This is what the governor of Bay Colony had to say days after the massacre, “We are the exceptional city on the hill. We cannot allow the muck to sink us….And to commemorate this Blessed Day, the vanquishing of the horrid savage Pequot, I officially declare, hence from this day forward, for the Massachusetts Bay Colony, to celebrate annually, an official Day of Thanksgiving.” –Governor John Winthrop, 1637.

More info.

The End.

Next week (subject to change): Mark M’s Heavily-Abridged Dictionary, Little Known: Berlin Wall, PHEW! I say, True Story — Swear on the…

Boilerplate: As part of my community project as Racine Writer in Residence, I hereby invite Racine-area people to send me prose or poems of 250 words or less for me to consider for inclusion in my posts as a “guest appearance.” Former Racine Writers in Residence, I want to explicitly include you in this invitation. If you want, also send a photo and a very short “bio.” You will retain the copyright for the material you submit. Send to m.mk at att.net with “Racine WiR” in the subject line. Thank you.

Don’t hide your light under a bushel-sized basket; it is recommended that you let it be shiny bright.