On the outside looking in…

by Kelsey Marie Harris

So I’ve been MIA. To be honest I’ve been stuck in a mind trap again. When I’m functioning low, I retreat into my head, and have a hard expressing myself outwardly; talking, writing, painting.

The theme of the past few months is that I’ve got plenty to be thankful for, I’ve had some great opportunities, and exciting things coming up. But I can’t manage to match my mood to my reality. It makes me feel ungrateful, in turn fueling my melancholy.

Social media has become unhealthy again. I’ve been using it as a method of escapism. But now that I’ve obligated myself to certain projects and commitments that require a social media presence and promotion, I feel trapped.

The weather changing combined with going back to work hasn’t allowed for as much time in nature as I’d had during the summer, and I feel the void. I find myself reverting back to old habits and unhealthy vices.

I’ve found myself skipping meals more often, not drinking enough water, or getting enough sleep. I haven’t been productive with my free time, and I’m fortunate to have more than most people. My energy has been chaotic and honestly, messy.

If there is any good news in all of this, when I feel myself being on the outside looking in at my life, as I am now, that usually means I’m at or nearing the peak. I’m recognizing the things I don’t want for myself, which means a transition is likely near. The first step to recovery, right?

Another bit of good news, is that I’m nearing the end of my Exquisite Corpse project, and I’m excited to share it with you in the next couple weeks, so stay tuned for that.

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